Little Red Ant applies for a vacancy to an
entertainment programme
It
was a sunny day and Little Red Ant didn’t go to school. Instead, she stayed at
home watching “The super Ant” game programme. She was such an enthusiastic fan
of the programme, that she decided to participate. It was a skills show; in
order to play the game, the ants must collect a certain amount of earth,
neither less nor more than required.
As
Little Red Ant was eager to win, she accumulated a bigger amount of earth than was really necessary. She was faster than the
others so, the TV presenter stopped the game. “What’s wrong with that?” said
Little Red Ant- “It makes room for new people” said the presenter. She had been
knocked out of the competition.
Written by Lorena Birra, Amanda Lagioia and Sandra López
Poor little Red Ant! She had no intention of loosing her time!
ReplyDeleteI'm not quite sure, but I would delete the comma on line 5. Begining with "she was such" and ending with "to participate ". Great story!
ReplyDeleteI'm not quite sure, but I would delete the comma on line 5. Begining with "she was such" and ending with "to participate ". Great story!
ReplyDeleteI'm not quite sure, but I would delete the comma on line 5. Begining with "she was such" and ending with "to participate ". Great story!
ReplyDeleteVery nice story ladies. As a comment, I would have included a brief paragraph to make the transition between the introduction and the next paragraph smooth. For example: “She couldn’t sleep that night. The next morning she was the first one in the row to sign in the inscription documents and be able to participate in the following show”
ReplyDeleteHi girls! I would write a comma before "so"in the second sentence of the second paragraph ('She was faster than the others, so the TV presenter stopped the game') because I think that commas are used before a coordinating conjunction
ReplyDeleteI would have used three paragraphs. The first one for the introduction, the second for the conflict and the third for the resolution.
ReplyDeleteI would have used three paragraphs. The first one for the introduction, the second for the conflict and the third for the resolution.
ReplyDeleteNice story! My suggestion: Since your story is mostly told by using past simple tense, I would change the modal verb "must" (line 4) for a "had to".
ReplyDeleteGood story! However, I think that it must have 3 paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteFun story! In this sentence: "As Little Red Ant was eager to win, she accumulated a bigger amount of earth than was really necessary." I think the comma between "win" and "She" shouldn´t be there. You should never place a comma between a subject and a verb.
ReplyDelete